Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the ‘hood
Everybody was slowin’ to look where they should.
The Wyatt’s was gleaming, the wreaths hung with care
The reindeer and snowman were quite the lawn pair.
The children were nestled, but whining all day
About laptops and Wii games and things they could play.
Big Daddy in his running pants, and I in my sweats
Could we make it this Christmas? Off went the bets.
When up through the pipes there arose such a smell
I sprang from my couch to say “What the hell???”
Away to the yard we all flew like a flash
Soon we both knew it would take reams of cash.
The sun on the breast of the newly turned earth
Soon told us the story of our lowered net worth.
When what to my watering eyes should appear
But a superman hubby in rubber boot gear.
With sleeves rolled up high, and thank God, a plugged nose
He got down to business attacking that hose.
He hit the main line, crap flew a mile high
But hubby’s determined, he’s quite a swell guy.
“Now drainfield, now septic, now distribution box,
I’ll fix this quite quickly, I’ll dig out those rocks.
I’ll buy me a pipe from Lowe’s down the street,
This problem will BE solved, and it won’t repeat!!!”
As dry leaves that before the first snowstorm will whirl
Hubby makes this mom one real happy girl.
So out to the ditches he flew and got started
I watched in amazement as he scrambled and darted.
And then in a twinkling, I heard in the pipes
The water was flowing, that certainly was nice.
I drew in my head, and looked in the bath
Now girlies and hubby no longer faced my wrath.
I could clean up the mess that had pooled in the tub
In the shower and toilets, but now here’s the rub:
We can’t ask the man who caused this great mess
To pay for the cost of repairing the rest!
Jeff was dressed all in mud and other foul matter
His tools were piled high and made such a clatter.
The stump of a beer he held tight in his teeth
And the stench it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a narrow face, and little soul patch
His energy continued, he’s quite the good catch.
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head
I knew what he expected when we got in bed.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to get clean
He didn’t fill stockings, his pockets were lean.
And laying a finger beside his gray hair
He soon fell asleep in his great easy chair.
He lay there so peacefully, so calm in repose
He snored quite a bit through his elegant nose.
But I heard him exclaim ‘fore he faded away
“I saved this poor family a few bucks today!”
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!
Hope you enjoyed my “inspired” version of the poem….this past week was a challenge!!